B4P BFF!!

Paris Hilton recently talked about her new show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.” In this show she will apparently begin a search for a new best friend. In her own words, “I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.”

My thoughts:

• Paris is kinda thick.
• Paris thinks the 85,000 people who want a shot at the title all want to be her friend because she’s such a great person.
• Paris uses the word “really” too much.
• Paris probably needs someone to tell her that the second F in BFF stands for “Forever”–in other words, this person is supposed to still be her best friend when she’s 60 and the Botox has made her lips look like two harp seals sunbathing on top of each other.
• Paris needs someone who won’t suck up to her, who will tell her the truth about herself so she’ll grow as a person; someone, in fact, who probably doesn’t even like her very much.
• I CAN DO THIS. I can be Paris’s (‘s’s’s) BFF!

So write in to MTV and vote for me! Brent For Paris’ Best Friend Forever!

Brain hurts.

This morning, I had to run into Pulix to get something.  I stood in line for a few minutes, then realized the cashier one row over had  no one.  I took my South Beach diet bars over there.  This is, as near as I recall, our conversation, with my thoughts in parentheses:

Cashier: I was wondering why no one was coming over to my lane!

Me: Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but…it’s you. (Ha ha, I’m so clever.)

Cashier: Me? You’re hurting my feelings!

Bagger: You’re hurting her feelings!

Me: Ha ha ha.  ….(Wait a minute, here’s where I insert a joke.  But I can’t think of anything to say!  What’s going on here?)

Cashier: Here ya go.  Thanks.

Bagger: [something–I’m still thinking about how I can’t think.]

Me: Sorry.  I can’t think what to say.  It’s early for me. (It’s actually 9 am.)

Cashier: Okay.  Bye.

Me: Thanks.  Bye. (What is going on here?  What is wrong with me?  Whatsh gong wich mash bulb maybah flazazel…)

Later I came to, and realized…last week’s accumulated meetings haven’t finished taking their toll.  I’m still not back in the game.  So, if you say something to me and I get this look on my face like I want to say something back…try and change the subject.  For me.  Thanks.

Knock…knock…what?

I was in an all day staff meeting Monday.  Then a half-day meeting Tuesday afternoon.  Then another half day meeting Wednesday morning.  And I just got off another half day meeting today (they call ’em “family time” here).

Result?  I just now realized I HAVE LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR.  People are saying all kinds of things I could easily springboard off of, and yet all I can do is stare at them.  I’m worried.  Worried, and sleepy.

Random Things I Discovered this Weekend (Uncle! Uncahuuuul! edition)

• My uncle is in town, and he’s a nice guy (this is more of a rediscovering).
• The Kingdom is a pretty good movie that ends with, frankly, a ridiculous anti-violence message.  It’s like saying “Isn’t all this action cool?  Well, shame on you for liking it!”
• On a related note, Darcy and I are realizing we’re big Jason Bateman fans (someone please greenlight the Arrested Development movie!)
• I have a tremendous capacity for Chinese food (this is more of a rediscovering).
• DISH Network hires nice, knowledgeable people.  Is DISH superior to Bright House?  We’ll see.
• The Mummy movies remain on my list of “closet movies”–movies that you love but might make others think you’re a loser.
• On a related note, I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have a protracted conversation about old 80’s and 90’s comic book story lines with someone who ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.  This has only happened a handful of times in the past decade.  “It’s not eeeeeasy, being Geeeeeeeeeek…”

I a smart gi.

A few days ago, I go down to have a meeting with a friend of mine, who is sitting at his desk, working on his computer on a particularly hard video editing project that needs to be done ASAP.  It isn’t going well, and he growls at the computer.

“Something vexes thee?” I ask.

“Well, no, Mr. Shakespeare,” he says with a laugh, and unintentionally sends me into a very brief quandary.

See,  I know the line wasn’t written by Shakespeare–it’s actually a line from “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.”  But if I tell him this, it will go against one of my unstated (until now) goals in this life: To make the world think I’m smarter than I really am.  So–should I be honest, or true to myself?

“Oh,” I say.  I think this covers it nicely.