Tip o' My Brain

June 18, 2008

What hath I wrought?!

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 11:56 am

I had a deeply distressing thought the other day–last week I started raising support two days a week for my ministry with CrossRoads.  So that means I’m now in the office three days a week.  That’s not the distressing part.  HERE’S the distressing part:

I had a meeting last Monday.  I had two last Tuesday.  I had THREE last Thursday.  I had an ALL DAY meeting Monday (yesterday).  Today I’ve got two meetings scheduled, and tomorrow I’ve got another two more meetings.  Meetings, meetings, everywhere.

This would be bad, but it gets worse.  Of the eleven meetings I mentioned above?  Seven were either called or co-called by me.  Me. I have officially ceased being Brent Larson, and have become Darth Skedjul.

What have I become?  What do I do?  What can I do?  Let’s discuss it tomorrow, 9 am–bring a pen and any agenda items you may have.

April 21, 2008

Brain hurts.

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 12:22 pm

This morning, I had to run into Pulix to get something.  I stood in line for a few minutes, then realized the cashier one row over had  no one.  I took my South Beach diet bars over there.  This is, as near as I recall, our conversation, with my thoughts in parentheses:

Cashier: I was wondering why no one was coming over to my lane!

Me: Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but…it’s you. (Ha ha, I’m so clever.)

Cashier: Me? You’re hurting my feelings!

Bagger: You’re hurting her feelings!

Me: Ha ha ha.  ….(Wait a minute, here’s where I insert a joke.  But I can’t think of anything to say!  What’s going on here?)

Cashier: Here ya go.  Thanks.

Bagger: [something–I’m still thinking about how I can’t think.]

Me: Sorry.  I can’t think what to say.  It’s early for me. (It’s actually 9 am.)

Cashier: Okay.  Bye.

Me: Thanks.  Bye. (What is going on here?  What is wrong with me?  Whatsh gong wich mash bulb maybah flazazel…)

Later I came to, and realized…last week’s accumulated meetings haven’t finished taking their toll.  I’m still not back in the game.  So, if you say something to me and I get this look on my face like I want to say something back…try and change the subject.  For me.  Thanks.

April 17, 2008


Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 11:35 am

I was in an all day staff meeting Monday.  Then a half-day meeting Tuesday afternoon.  Then another half day meeting Wednesday morning.  And I just got off another half day meeting today (they call ’em “family time” here).

Result?  I just now realized I HAVE LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR.  People are saying all kinds of things I could easily springboard off of, and yet all I can do is stare at them.  I’m worried.  Worried, and sleepy.

March 18, 2008

Run ‘im outta town! (nicely)

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 2:14 pm

I was at a two hour staff meeting this morning, and I thought it was a horrible, mind-numbing, leg twitching, multiple-yawn inducing experience.  The leader of the meeting should be forced to apologize to all in attendance.

Yes, I led the meeting.  And you’d think, since I hate staff meetings, I’d know how to do it right so as to minimize the soul-damage.  Nope.  I think, if aliens regularly possessed our bodies, they wouldn’t make us harvest pods or drink green goo.  They’d make us sit in front of power-point presentations and reword marketing copy. THAT’D teach those humans!!

March 10, 2008

What the Hey?

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 10:39 am

We just wrapped up our weekly staff meeting. There were just 3 of us, so it only lasted a half-hour.  In fact, our last couple staff meetings have been just like it–short and what passes for sweet in the staff meeting world.

What’s a blogger to do?!?

February 27, 2008

11th hour meeting

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 10:44 am

We were supposed to have an all-day staff meeting today.  Yesterday, it got canceled.

Those atheist guys are way out to lunch.

February 11, 2008

I’ve offended the cosmos…

Filed under: Someone's Out to Get Me,Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 5:09 pm

…which is the only explanation I can think of for this morning.  I’m sitting in staff meeting, mentally likening it to watching a three-hour Discovery Channel special on Our Marvelous Appendix, when someone from the department next to us comes over.

“We’re welcoming two new staff to our office with lots of  snacks!  Would  you guys like to join us?”  Since we all work for Constantly Craving Carbs, most of us are over there forthwith (“Hi, you’re new? How nice.  Where’s the food?”).  Of course, I come in last, because I know what I’m going to see–piles and piles of food I CAN’T EAT.

I have reached the tenth circle of heck–and it’s endless meetings, punctuated by breaks with snacks that look marvelous but are surrounded by an invisible force field of guilt.

I’d go and  eat some worms, but I hear they also are high in empty carbs.

January 11, 2008

Eating Broken Glass (or, Back to Staff Meetings)

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 12:52 pm

After a nice break for the holidays, we had our first staff meeting three days ago. It’s strange–I like everybody at the meetings. I like it when we’re all together. I don’t really have anything against the location. So, with all these elements in place, staff meetings should be a bearable, nay, pleasant experience. Right?

As we finished up Monday morning, it occurred to me:

“Staff meeting is like being stuck in an elevator with two contestants of a chili cookoff, debating the possibility that Hillary Clinton is the AntiChrist.”

August 16, 2007

Two Day-Long Meetings…

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 2:12 pm

We had two day-long planning meetings. Here’s an intermittent play-by-play of what was going through my mind, from start to finish:

Day 1

9 am–“I look on the prospect of sitting in one seat, unwilling recipient to a veritable influx of information, with some trepidation. The single ray of hope, the lifeline to which I desperately cling, is the unlimited supply of Diet Coke.”

12 pm–“What did we just talk about? Can’t remember where I am. What are these aluminum cans doing around my chair? Oh, good, lunch. I like lunch.”

3 pm–“Head…stuffed with…inferm…infu…things that mean things. I see Diet Coke…sign on…metal thingie. What is Diet Coke? I want it too be friend.”

5 pm–“Hello, this is Beta Max 7. I am a personality/logic template representing Brent Larson in the event of a complete mental shutdown. Reboot will commence in…two…hours. Please keep in mind, you are on camera. So don’t steal anything.”

Day 2–“In my mind I’ve gone to Carolina.” (continual loop)

May 18, 2007

Yay! Horrible Staff Meetings are Back!

Filed under: Staff Meeting Blues — kryptobrent @ 8:19 am

I’m currently stuck in a 3-hour staff meeting, in which we’re briefing a new person on our team. In other words, we’re covering stuff I already know. Which leads me to conclude:

Staff meeting is like waking up and realizing you’re in the studio audience of a live taping of The View, covering today’s topic–“Why Breathing is Good.”

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