Ich bin ein Ber-sicker

I’ve been sick since Good Friday.  A nasty cold.  I only get sick about twice a year, so this is noteworthy to me.  In the interest of cataloging the minutia of my life (so my great grandkids can know how I wasted my time), here’s what I learned:

•  A Man for all Seasons is a good movie where the good guy loses.
• The Magnificent Ambersons is a good movie where there aren’t any good guys.
• Raging Bull is a good movie about a bad guy.
• The Legend of Bagger Vance is a less-than-good movie about an okay guy.
• Arrested Development is a fantastic show about a good guy and his bad family (I watched 23 episodes on DVD).
• McDonalds tastes better when you’re healthy (as paradoxical as this may seem).
• Nyquil may be the nastiest tasting liquid on the planet, with the possible exception of…
• Dayquil.
• Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is a good game, but a little too short.
• Super Paper Mario is a very fun game, but not a lot like it’s predecessor, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (I haven’t decided if this is good or bad).
• It’s lame to be sick when your wife is sick.
• I usually enjoy getting  sick, since I feel I have a mandate to not do anything. Five days is too long, however.  The pizazz has worn off.

Run ‘im outta town! (nicely)

I was at a two hour staff meeting this morning, and I thought it was a horrible, mind-numbing, leg twitching, multiple-yawn inducing experience.  The leader of the meeting should be forced to apologize to all in attendance.

Yes, I led the meeting.  And you’d think, since I hate staff meetings, I’d know how to do it right so as to minimize the soul-damage.  Nope.  I think, if aliens regularly possessed our bodies, they wouldn’t make us harvest pods or drink green goo.  They’d make us sit in front of power-point presentations and reword marketing copy. THAT’D teach those humans!!

Yup, there be Crisis

Brad: Hey, I thought you guys were going to the Crisis Management Training on Monday.

Me: Yeah, we were, but something came up. I’m bummed, because I wanted to go and get it over with, since it sounds SO ABYSMALLY BORING. [exact wording]

Brad: No, no, it’s not that bad.

Me: Really? Have you done it already?

Brad: No, I lead it.

Me: … … … … … [am still working on a good response]

You Need to Get Out More

Example: Count of Monte Cristo

Usually used when someone says, “Wow!  I’ve never seen a _________ _________ so _________!” (e.g. “I’ve never seen a swordsman fight so impressively” or “I’ve never seen a meteor plummet so swiftly!” or “I’ve never seen a Smallville episode suck so completely!”).  Was popularized, I believe, by the ad campaign for Hot Shots Part Deux (“If you only see one movie this  year…you need to get out more!”) This was funny.  All instances since then? Nope. Laaaaazy writing.  Demand more from your scriptwriters!!!

What the Hey?

We just wrapped up our weekly staff meeting. There were just 3 of us, so it only lasted a half-hour.  In fact, our last couple staff meetings have been just like it–short and what passes for sweet in the staff meeting world.

What’s a blogger to do?!?

Random Things I discovered this weekend (Hobble edition)

• I worked out my calves on Friday, and spent the remainder of the weekend hobbling around like I was either 90 years old, or suffering from a reeeaallly bad rash. You know how people describe weak calf muscles as “cankles?” I’m going to call mine “painkles.”
• The Longest Day is a good, long movie (surprise).
• The Naked City would have been better if it didn’t have a narrator.
• I have passed the Guitar Hero bug to my wife.
• Darcy and I are doing a “Financial Peace” class at our church. I actually really enjoy sitting with others our age and talking about how to have cheap dates and work off the envelope system.
• I decided to have a productive weekend by fixing stuff in the house. This amounted to changing some lightbulbs, changing our clocks, unplugging our shower and replacing a couple sprinkler heads. Hope Depot cost? $35. Feeling I’m a dude takin’ care of business? PRICELESS.
• Little Ceasars could be the best deal in town right now.

I feel the beat, and I feel depressed!

Now, dear friends, let us remember back to this sobering factoid in our nation’s history…

“In 1965, Vietnam seemed like just another foreign war…but it wasn’t.  It was different in many ways, and so were those who did the fighting.  In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 26.  In Vietnam it was 19.”

“N-n-n-n-n-n-n-In Vietnam it was 19.”

My question: Can we a) consider the grave consequences of a past police action, both on our national psyche and on the individuals that collectively make up that nation, and the lessons they bring to bear on our future as a society, while b) dancing to the funky beat at the same time?  I actually don’t know. Thoughts?

Manhhhhuuurgh…

As I mentioned yesterday, I tried to watch a Woody Allen movie over the weekend–Manhattan, specifically. I got half an hour into it and…I just couldn’t do it. I turned it off and deleted it off my DVR. This may not seem like a big deal, except that I NEVER DO THIS–when I choose to watch a movie I’m actually investing myself in the story for 2 hours, regardless of how good or bad it is.

In the car with Darcy a little while later, I explained why, in detail (I know she appreciates it when I do this). “It didn’t go anywhere! A lot of Woody Allen movies are that way–it’s just about talking and taaaalking, without saying anything! It just amounts to a bunch of liberal intellectual types who are so self absorbed they think their own pathetic lives are the center of the universe! And they don’t believe in right or wrong–to them, they can’t do any wrong. They can justify themselves into oblivion! Why do people like these movies? TCM [the channel I recorded it off of] gave it 3 and a half stars! Why? Did they do that because they loved it or because they felt like they were supposed to love it? Why do actors want to keep working with this guy whose voice sounds like he’s TRYING to annoy…”

I then realized that, if I in fact had said voice, I’d sound just like Woody Allen. Oh my Gwaaaaaaaawd!!!!!!!!!

Random Things I discovered this weekend (cheese and whine edition)

• We have fun neighbors (this is more of a rediscovering).
• I find cleaning the house to be like drinking beer–I don’t do it often, I don’t want to do it more often, but when I do it, it’s oddly agreeable.
• Doctor Zhivago is a good movie. Long, but interesting.
• The Boys from Brazil is a weird movie. Interesting, but veeeeery ’70s.
• Panda Express is becoming Darcy’s and my new favorite healthy restaurant. Why is it healthy? They serve vegetables! I DON’T NEED TO HEAR FROM ANYONE ON THIS.
• I never need a size bigger than the “regular” size ice cream at Marble Slab; PLEASE never let me forget this.
• I don’t think I can ever watch another Woody Allen movie. His whine is like fingernails raking my cerebellum. I’ll tell you more in another post.