Tip o' My Brain

July 4, 2010

I’m back. Maybe.

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool — kryptobrent @ 10:00 pm

The last blog post I put up here was back in November of ’08.  To be honest, it was fun while it lasted, but it eventually felt more like work to keep it up, and I’ve got other things that make me feel that way (like work).  So why am I picking it back up?  Frankly, it’s because of my tendency to copy from friends.  I have one who has recently started a blog where he reviews movies.  This sounded like fun, and I remembered that I used to do that under my 13-Second Review section.  It also recently occurred to me that I wanted to blog about movies I see because I want to keep a record so I can keep straight what I see and how many I see.  Maybe I’ll learn something about myself.  Doubtful!

So I’ll start up the film reviews again.  We’ll see about other blog topics.  I will admit, I enjoy reading my own stuff.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I revel in my own cleverness.  I have to–who else will?

It also occurred to me again that my love for Del Taco is a deep, abiding love. But that’s off topic. Anyway, let me know what you think. If you’re still around.

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November 13, 2008

“I don’t THINK so.”

Filed under: Movie Lines that Should Die — kryptobrent @ 12:53 pm

Example: Batman Forever (among many, many others)

This one was brought to my attention by alert reader David Hahn, who’s got a sweet site you should check out. He says it best…

“One that should die is when, in an act of defiance at a crucial moment after the villain has stated his intentions, the angry hero responds with “I don’t THINK so.”

Vomit.”

A good point, David.  To which I could only add the PERFECT ENDING…

Villian: “I don’t care what you think.” BANG.

Villian wins, unleashes horror on the world that destroys humanity, but decisively ends the threat of reality television. A bittersweet ending, and a sobering wake up call to Dancing with the Stars fans everywhere.

August 19, 2008

It’s Coming!!

Filed under: Movie Lines that Should Die — kryptobrent @ 1:05 pm

(in honor of the massive, terrifying approach of Hurricane…no wait, Tropical Storm…no wait, mildly depressed Fay.)

As seen in: Twister

Usually a character screaming said line at the top of his/her lungs, waving a finger behind him/her, and stating the obvious. Also used to denote impending arrival of some other threat, like dinosaurs. Unfortunately, these people usually survive.

Unrelated safety tip: When you see something threatening bearing down on you, don’t run, or get protective gear. Simply turn from it and yell, “It’s coming!” That’ll do it.

June 6, 2008

The Perfect Joke

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool — kryptobrent @ 6:54 pm

After my last post, I was reminded of a related topic–I have invented the perfect joke.  Observe a few days ago, a conversation with my wife:

Brent: I was talking to the comic store guy about Indiana Jones the other day.  We both think it’s funny how people keep comparing it to Raiders of the Lost Ark, because you know, Darcy (assumes scholarly tone) Raiders is perhaps one of the most perfect movies ever…

Darcy: (interrupting) Yes, we’ve had this conversation before.

Brent: What?

Darcy: You think Raiders is a perfect movie. You’ve told me this, like, three times.

Brent: Huh.  (a few seconds go by)  Hey Darc?

Darcy: Yeah?

Brent: You know Raiders is a perfect movie?

Darcy laughs.

Next day:

Brent: Hey Darc, throw me the remote, willya?

Darcy: Sure.

Brent: Hey Darc.

Darcy: Yeah?

Brent: You know Raiders is the perfect movie, right?

Darcy laughs.

And there you have it.  The perfect joke.  Will it get old?  No!  It’s already old.  That’s the point, doofus!

Indy IV–thumbs up or down?

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool — kryptobrent @ 6:47 pm

I’m asking because everyone has an opinion, and since my opinion is more thought-out, and therefore better, than yours, I thought I’d discuss it.  Again, I’m of two minds on the subject, so I’ll represent both of them here, in true CrossFire fashion.

Moderator Brent: Gentlemen, we’ve only got a couple minutes left, after that spirited discussion on what genre best represents Star Wars…

Right Brent–A sci-fi epic for the ages, Brent!

Left Brent–It’s fantasy, not sci-fi, you utterly ridiculous nerf herder…

Moderator Brent–Yes, yes, but okay now…Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens in theaters two weeks ago…what do you think, Righty?

Right Brent–It was a good movie, Brent.  Not great, but good.

Left Brent–This was no heir to the Raiders Dynasty!  It is a totally separate movie altogether!  I don’t even want to hear the word Quadrilogy come out of your mouth!

Righty–Okay, true, but nothing could follow Raiders, quite possibly one of the few perfect movies in existence!

Lefty–All right, I’ll give you that.  But instead of having another mysterious artifact that blows  the imagination, like the Ark or the Grail, we get…what? Alien Skulls?!  Thanks for giving the secret away in the first ten minutes!

Righty–Okay, but wouldn’t they just have been copying the formula? Didn’t you want a new movie?  And that beginning sequence was fun and a great way to relaunch Indy for the next phase of life.

Lefty–And that’s another thing!  He was SO OLD!

Righty–Are you mad that Indy aged?  Or that you did?  We love great characters–in our minds the single worst thing they can do is get old.  It reminds us that we’re getting older too.  So you can either go the James Bond route and recast Indy…

Lefty–Sacrilige!

Righty–…OR you let him get old and tell new stories from a totally new viewpoint.  And admit it, no matter what the weaknesses in the movie, it was fantastic to see Harrison Ford back in the fedora.  HE did a great job.

Lefty–Yeah, can’t argue with that.

Moderator–Okay, gents, out of time.  What’s your vote?

Righty–Again, I wanted to love it, and I like it.  Three arks.

Lefty–Indy’s back, but not better than ever.  Two arks.

Moderator–For an average of two and a half arks.  Go forth and enjoy!!  And may I say, it’s nice to see you both agreeing about something for once.

Righty–(to moderator) You’re a ponce.

Lefty–(to moderator) And a dork.

RIghty– (to Lefty) Let’s go get some coffee.

May 5, 2008

We’ve Got Company

Filed under: Movie Lines that Should Die — kryptobrent @ 10:33 am

(Matt brought this to my attention)

Example: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Use: When a character informs another character of the arrival of hostiles.

PERFECT SUBSEQUENT SCENARIO THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE USED: Hostiles ring doorbell with a covered casserole and say “Sorry we’re late!”

April 7, 2008

Random Things I Discovered this Weekend (Uncle! Uncahuuuul! edition)

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool,Weekend Discoveries — kryptobrent @ 11:16 am
  • My uncle is in town, and he’s a nice guy (this is more of a rediscovering).
  • The Kingdom is a pretty good movie that ends with, frankly, a ridiculous anti-violence message.  It’s like saying “Isn’t all this action cool?  Well, shame on you for liking it!”
  • On a related note, Darcy and I are realizing we’re big Jason Bateman fans (someone please greenlight the Arrested Development movie!)
  • I have a tremendous capacity for Chinese food (this is more of a rediscovering).
  • DISH Network hires nice, knowledgeable people.  Is DISH superior to Bright House?  We’ll see.
  • The Mummy movies remain on my list of “closet movies”–movies that you love but might make others think you’re a loser.
  • On a related note, I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have a protracted conversation about old 80’s and 90’s comic book story lines with someone who ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.  This has only happened a handful of times in the past decade.  “It’s not eeeeeasy, being Geeeeeeeeeek…”

March 26, 2008

Ich bin ein Ber-sicker

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool,Shallow Thoughts,Weekend Discoveries — kryptobrent @ 9:53 am

I’ve been sick since Good Friday.  A nasty cold.  I only get sick about twice a year, so this is noteworthy to me.  In the interest of cataloging the minutia of my life (so my great grandkids can know how I wasted my time), here’s what I learned:

  •  A Man for all Seasons is a good movie where the good guy loses.
  • The Magnificent Ambersons is a good movie where there aren’t any good guys.
  • Raging Bull is a good movie about a bad guy.
  • The Legend of Bagger Vance is a less-than-good movie about an okay guy.
  • Arrested Development is a fantastic show about a good guy and his bad family (I watched 23 episodes on DVD).
  • McDonalds tastes better when you’re healthy (as paradoxical as this may seem).
  • Nyquil may be the nastiest tasting liquid on the planet, with the possible exception of…
  • Dayquil.
  • Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is a good game, but a little too short.
  • Super Paper Mario is a very fun game, but not a lot like it’s predecessor, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (I haven’t decided if this is good or bad).
  • It’s lame to be sick when your wife is sick.
  • I usually enjoy getting  sick, since I feel I have a mandate to not do anything. Five days is too long, however.  The pizazz has worn off.

March 11, 2008

You Need to Get Out More

Filed under: Movie Lines that Should Die — kryptobrent @ 9:02 am

Example: Count of Monte Cristo

Usually used when someone says, “Wow!  I’ve never seen a _________ _________ so _________!” (e.g. “I’ve never seen a swordsman fight so impressively” or “I’ve never seen a meteor plummet so swiftly!” or “I’ve never seen a Smallville episode suck so completely!”).  Was popularized, I believe, by the ad campaign for Hot Shots Part Deux (“If you only see one movie this  year…you need to get out more!”) This was funny.  All instances since then? Nope. Laaaaazy writing.  Demand more from your scriptwriters!!!

March 10, 2008

Random Things I discovered this weekend (Hobble edition)

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool,Weekend Discoveries — kryptobrent @ 10:36 am
  • I worked out my calves on Friday, and spent the remainder of the weekend hobbling around like I was either 90 years old, or suffering from a reeeaallly bad rash. You know how people describe weak calf muscles as “cankles?” I’m going to call mine “painkles.”
  • The Longest Day is a good, long movie (surprise).
  • The Naked City would have been better if it didn’t have a narrator.
  • I have passed the Guitar Hero bug to my wife.
  • Darcy and I are doing a “Financial Peace” class at our church. I actually really enjoy sitting with others our age and talking about how to have cheap dates and work off the envelope system.
  • I decided to have a productive weekend by fixing stuff in the house. This amounted to changing some lightbulbs, changing our clocks, unplugging our shower and replacing a couple sprinkler heads. Hope Depot cost? $35. Feeling I’m a dude takin’ care of business? PRICELESS.
  • Little Ceasars could be the best deal in town right now.
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