Tip o' My Brain

November 12, 2008

Don’t chock on me now!

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 4:07 pm

Can anyone use the word “chock” in a sentence that doesn’t use the words “full of…” after it?  As in, “Wow, this cereal is chock full of marshmallows” or “That episode of Smallville was chock full of awefulness.”

Just curious.

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November 6, 2008

Mr. Sensitivity

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 9:49 am

A few weeks ago, leaving Wal-Mart…

Me: “Why do I always have to carry the groceries back to the car?”

Darcy: “Because you’re the man.”

Me: “What?!  I believe in the equality of the sexes!”

Darcy: “Not me!”

Me: “…”

(Blast you, Darcy…you’ve won this round.)

August 22, 2008

Open Letter (that means, For All Y’alls)

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 3:50 pm

Dear Madam,

I wish to publicly indicate my regret at having called you “mildly depressed.”  And at having scoffed, verbally, that you were not worth all the attention everyone was giving you.  Yes, you deserved, and deserve, respect and attention.  And no, you’re  not fat (although your water-retention level is off the charts.  And I mean that in the best possible way, of course.)

You are, in fact, a wonderful, fun-loving female (why, just looking at your antics in Sanford and Deltona–the gallons of fun the residents there are experiencing–they look so happy with the indoor swimming pools you’ve provided them!)  But my only regret is that we’re depriving the rest of the eastern seaboard of your marvelous company.

So, I’d love for you to stick around.  But really, I think it’s time for you to move on. For your own sake, of course.  Besides, I’m starting to miss my ol’ pal, Sunny.

No!  Don’t cry!  I didn’t mean it! Aaaaargh…

Brent

July 8, 2008

I’m a positive guy…

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 12:49 pm

…usually. But I started thinking recently that there are some things that I really don’t like. I thought I’d tell you, since you asked.

I don’t like:

  • dress socks. A drain on our economy, and a blight on society as a whole.
  • calling someone “Buddy.” I don’t mind being called it. But when I use it it sounds like I’m running for Congress.
  • reality television. I can’t stay in the same room with it.
  • Coldplay. Why do people like these guys?
  • not having an accent. I want one, but you all know by now I don’t, so I can’t fake it.
  • people who can’t navigate four-way stops.
  • Lowes (thanks, Karin, for bringing it up). That place was invented, with its infernal cousin, Home Depot, to emasculate me.
  • actors talking about how great their movies are. Really, what else are they going to say?! (Will Smith: “I think audiences are really going to connect with Hancock because…uh, well, actually, don’t bother.”)
  • T-shirts that have jokes on them. That’s like telling the same joke over and over. Sorry-no joke is that good.
  • loving Del Taco. I love Del Taco, but our long-distance relationship has caused me nothing but pain.
  • People who say you can’t like both Star Wars and Star Trek. I’ll like who I want, AstroPunk!

That’s it for now. Thank you for allowing me to enrich your lives.

June 6, 2008

Well, look who’s here!

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 6:23 pm

I’m back! And contrary to other past hiccups in my blogging history, this time I’ve been wanting to post my deeply important observation of the day. I’ve just been really busy. And I know you both have been wondering, “Dude, Brent, it only takes two minutes to blog. What’s the problem?” Well, not only have I not been able to blog, I’ve also been too busy to get to those other things I’ve been wanting to get to, like:

  • That delightfully light and whimsical copy of The Brothers Karamazov that I’ve gotten a quarter of the way through,
  • Those DVRed four-star movies, like My Left Foot, Shadow of a Doubt and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington that keep screaming out to me to watch them. You ever heard Jimmy Stewart screaming? It’s the stuff of nightmares.
  • Those Tae-Kwon-Do moves I need to be practicing for my first tournament in July (I’ll talk about this later)
  • That copy of The ScreenWriter’s Bible I have on my desk at work,
  • All the assorted crap in my guest bedroom that says to me, “You could have sold us at a garage sale by now, invested the money in a nice start-up, gotten rich and now enjoying a month-long cruise of the Mediterranean if you ‘d only thought ahead!”

What have I been doing instead? Well, besides that film shoot I did the day after my last blog post (more on that later), I’d like to say I’ve been studying film and writing like a fiend to get my next script underway. What I’ve actually been doing is playing a lot of Resident Evil, watching less than four-star movies (more on that later) and wondering where all the time is going. In other words, things are on the busy end of normal, but still normal. So I can’t complain.

April 25, 2008

B4P BFF!!

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts,Uncategorized — kryptobrent @ 9:23 am

Paris Hilton recently talked about her new show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.” In this show she will apparently begin a search for a new best friend. In her own words, “I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.”

My thoughts:

  • Paris is kinda thick.
  • Paris thinks the 85,000 people who want a shot at the title all want to be her friend because she’s such a great person.
  • Paris uses the word “really” too much.
  • Paris probably needs someone to tell her that the second F in BFF stands for “Forever”–in other words, this person is supposed to still be her best friend when she’s 60 and the Botox has made her lips look like two harp seals sunbathing on top of each other.
  • Paris needs someone who won’t suck up to her, who will tell her the truth about herself so she’ll grow as a person; someone, in fact, who probably doesn’t even like her very much.
  • I CAN DO THIS. I can be Paris’s (‘s’s’s) BFF!

So write in to MTV and vote for me! Brent For Paris’ Best Friend Forever!

April 7, 2008

I a smart gi.

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 10:52 am

A few days ago, I go down to have a meeting with a friend of mine, who is sitting at his desk, working on his computer on a particularly hard video editing project that needs to be done ASAP.  It isn’t going well, and he growls at the computer.

“Something vexes thee?” I ask.

“Well, no, Mr. Shakespeare,” he says with a laugh, and unintentionally sends me into a very brief quandary.

See,  I know the line wasn’t written by Shakespeare–it’s actually a line from “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.”  But if I tell him this, it will go against one of my unstated (until now) goals in this life: To make the world think I’m smarter than I really am.  So–should I be honest, or true to myself?

“Oh,” I say.  I think this covers it nicely.

March 26, 2008

Ich bin ein Ber-sicker

Filed under: Movies are, like, so cool,Shallow Thoughts,Weekend Discoveries — kryptobrent @ 9:53 am

I’ve been sick since Good Friday.  A nasty cold.  I only get sick about twice a year, so this is noteworthy to me.  In the interest of cataloging the minutia of my life (so my great grandkids can know how I wasted my time), here’s what I learned:

  •  A Man for all Seasons is a good movie where the good guy loses.
  • The Magnificent Ambersons is a good movie where there aren’t any good guys.
  • Raging Bull is a good movie about a bad guy.
  • The Legend of Bagger Vance is a less-than-good movie about an okay guy.
  • Arrested Development is a fantastic show about a good guy and his bad family (I watched 23 episodes on DVD).
  • McDonalds tastes better when you’re healthy (as paradoxical as this may seem).
  • Nyquil may be the nastiest tasting liquid on the planet, with the possible exception of…
  • Dayquil.
  • Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is a good game, but a little too short.
  • Super Paper Mario is a very fun game, but not a lot like it’s predecessor, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (I haven’t decided if this is good or bad).
  • It’s lame to be sick when your wife is sick.
  • I usually enjoy getting  sick, since I feel I have a mandate to not do anything. Five days is too long, however.  The pizazz has worn off.

March 7, 2008

I feel the beat, and I feel depressed!

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts — kryptobrent @ 10:52 am

Now, dear friends, let us remember back to this sobering factoid in our nation’s history…

“In 1965, Vietnam seemed like just another foreign war…but it wasn’t.  It was different in many ways, and so were those who did the fighting.  In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 26.  In Vietnam it was 19.”

“N-n-n-n-n-n-n-In Vietnam it was 19.”

My question: Can we a) consider the grave consequences of a past police action, both on our national psyche and on the individuals that collectively make up that nation, and the lessons they bring to bear on our future as a society, while b) dancing to the funky beat at the same time?  I actually don’t know. Thoughts?

February 26, 2008

Under…what?!

Filed under: Shallow Thoughts,Uncategorized — kryptobrent @ 9:22 am

This comes from the wisdom of MSN.com:


Take the Quiz

They decided this mostly because Kate was in the Underworld movies (two of the worst vampire movies of the last few years).

On an unrelated note, Microsoft, and by extension the entire Internet, proves once again they don’t really know me. And that, my friends, is just fine.

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